“There are times in life where the awesome majesty of God’s world rises up to greet you.  When reality seems of no meaning; when your mind reaches beyond; when simple words, no matter how poetic or flowing, fail to capture the feelings within.  When you realize with total absence of fear, that there is just so much to life…and your hopes, and your dreams come alive…and you feel no bounds…and you can fly…and you can fly…  RJU

I woke up Wednesday morning feeling like someone turned the lights out in my world.  It seemed dark, lonely, different in so many ways.  I found myself sorting through multiple thoughts coming at me in every direction.  I was unable to process even the most basic of information.  I thought of this piece I wrote years ago which describes those times in your life when something happens that takes you beyond reality, positive or negative.  “When simple words, no matter how poetic or flowing, fail to capture the feelings within.”  I have never thought of these words in a negative light but certainly all of life’s events that shake one to the core are not always positive.

Foremost, I was sad.  It was saddening for me to be asked to accept that the majority of this country wants something out of life much different than me.  Am I that far off base in my thinking?  Is equality and equal justice for all in this country a fantasy of sorts?  Why is it that so many of my neighbors, family, friends, co-workers, are so against the welcoming of people in need to our land?  What are we afraid of?  I thought of Suzy Barbosa and the good and caring people at the International Institute and how this change of leadership style will impact their work—they have to be in fear for the people they are trying to help.  I thought of the many non-profits I work with, searching every day for solutions for families and individuals that need assistance or at least a welcoming voice every once in a while–some sort of light in their world.  I thought of all my friends that were not white in color and dared to speak other than the language of our land.  I thought of many people I know, who through their carpentry and handyman skills have helped me, and a countless number of families, trying to get their citizenship papers together for years, doing the right thing, paying taxes, raising their families, supporting their schools.  I thought of the thousands of good people who now have to fear their every move.  The hotel workers that make the beds, the farm workers who harvest our vegetables and fruits by hand, the housemaids that clean our homes, the lawn cutters, the hard working, good people who daily, without moaning and groaning, do the menial tasks that we Americans deem a bit underneath our dignity and our pay scales–I thought of all these people and their families.  Are the diverse kids of the fourth-grade class of Bierbaum Elementary School where I read my Buffy & Carly book last week–and their families–secure in their homes or will they be living in fear awaiting a knock on their door?  I would suspect that many of them are trembling.

This is what 74M people in our land want–or at least this is the way they voted so I am left to assume this is what they want.  My neighbors and friends voted for a leader who has demonstrated quite clearly that he does not respect the laws of our land.  He has no family values or moral compass or values of any sort for that matter, at least that I can determine–but maybe I am being too judgmental, the people have spoken.  Is it that my friends, family, and neighbors do not believe in his words and actions or do they just not care?  Did they not see this movie the first time around?  Are they guided only by the voices—and the chosen events they wish to highlight—of the Fox News network?  

Our newly elected President and his friends that will accompany him to the White House, holding the highest offices of our country, will lead us down many dark paths in the months and years ahead–is this really what my friends and neighbors, up and down my street, even within my family, voted for?  I am asked to accept that the answer to this question is YES.  We are all asked to accept this, regardless of which box you colored in on election day.

President Biden says often that “this is not who we are as a people” and now roughly 74,000,000 of my fellow Americans say, “yes…this is who we are–this is what we want.”  Or maybe what they are really saying is, “we actually have no idea what we want other than we want our gas and our bread, milk, and eggs to be less than they are today.”

Neither party is perfect.  Neither of the two choices we were given on election day are perfect leaders nor have any of the previous 46 Presidents been perfect.  Decisions have been made by leaders of both parties that half the country disagree with.  We are never going to change that.  But I have always been able to reason out the choices made by my family, friends and neighbors and accept the choice of the majority of the people.  I have always awoken on the morning following election day and reconciled my thoughts, adjusted my thinking, cleared my mind of negative thoughts, and vowed internally to support the chosen leader, be it the leader of my choice or otherwise.

This time is different.  This day has darkened my mind.  This day is lonely, filled with fear for the changes that will come. This time there is no reconciliation to be had.  It feels like the beginning of a war–a war between family, friends, and neighbors.  It won’t be.  People will regroup and the ship will be righted at some point in the future.  But for now, I am stepping aside.  Aside from political news, aside from television other than voices and thoughts I can control, aside from any messages delivered by our President or any of his cabinet or followers.  Aside from social media as best I can. I believe that my 74M friends have made a very serious mistake and I suppose they would feel somewhat the same if the tables were turned.  I will not argue with any of them, just silently step aside.

My life will not change all that much.  Donna and I are white, retired, living in a nice home, our family is grown, families of their own, and we can, for the most part, take care of our basic needs.  I will continue my work with diversity, equity, and inclusion–that need has not changed.  I will continue to choose love, laughter, happiness, and hope and I will continue to share my love, laughter, happiness, and hope with others that may need a bit of sunshine in their lives.  I will continue to do my part to better our country and the way of life for all in our country.  As to the political news of the day and messages of any kind from those chosen to lead my family, my neighbors and our country, wake me when the game is over, and the lights are turned back on.

As I was driving out to Illinois on Friday morning, I was singing along with Bob Seger, imagining I was on the back of his “big two wheeler” heading to the “high plains–deep into the mountains” escaping life as I knew it, searching for some light to clear the darkness in my mind… “felt so good to me, finally feeling free…”

“Roll, roll me away, won’t you roll me away tonight

I too am lost, I feel double-crossedand I’m sick of what’s wrong and what’s right

We never even said a word,we just walked out and got on that bike

And we rolled

And we rolled clean out of sight…”